Friday, December 18, 2009

burden

Nothing changes and it gets boring than ever. An undeniable dilemma takes over and most of my activities are reduced to nothing more than mere redundancy. Maynard’s right when he says, “Boredom’s not a burden anyone should bear”, however, he has his own reasons and mine are different, and if I was to sit and rationalize either of the two the discussion would be long and lead to boredom again, no, actually it would be getting rid of the boredom and maybe that is something that I am not comfortable now that I would like to believe.

God helps them who help themselves – an old adage – which I somehow don’t completely associate to anymore, for I found another one more befitting my status quo, however I can’t recall. What a pity!

But then again Maynard says, “Something has to change…” Why should I really care what Maynard says; I never cared for what others said, I never cared for what they did. Lately, however, I have become extremely conscious of the way I dress and behave publicly. My public life is antagonistic to my personal life which is quiet, peaceful, and full of ripping moments of tranquility. I hate my public persona and it would be fair to say that I hate the disparity between the two sides of the coin. I HATE MYSELF but then I do love myself or that’s what I would like to think.

No, this is no Lee Ranaldo dramatic monologue. I don’t even know what it is.

I just want to speak. I want to vent out to no purpose. Yes, I lack purpose and I am not ok with it. I want to break free.

I just want to talk and not be heard…

4 comments:

pfizz said...

epitomising the quintessential existential dilemma.

blood on the ground.. said...

:)
oh, btw, there are grammatical errors in the post but i can't edit due to some error on blogger.

jansua said...

I like the post a lot! " I HATE MYSELF but then I do love myself or that’s what I would like to think." "I just want to talk and not to be heard" that's deep really I love it.

blood on the ground.. said...

you like it because you're so simple :)