Wednesday, March 02, 2011

the blue purgatory

when you are 30,000 ft in the sky, the world below looks like a dull sheet of design with the colors smudged. the clouds look
like sea foam- dirty and thick.

i was in the other world for 2 hours almost on two occasions and the thoughts were strikingly different on both of them.

the first time
i was more excited to take off from the ground than anything. the adrenaline rush made things a little more than exciting. as i ascended, my heart sank. it kept doing so till i was stable. the cloud that looked so beautiful was nothing but a disappointing dirty white composition that could only be anything otherwise in a deranged poet's words. whosoever thought that the earth was beautiful and the skies a canvas, never went up in the air. my thoughts weren't fleeting after a while and i knew that i wouldn't enjoy it the second time around. it was vast, neatly layered, and absolutely serene. the temperature was either -25C or -50C.
it was raining but evidently not at 30k feet above sea level.

the second time there was nothing to be excited about. i knew that i would hate it.
i wondered whether angels lived here. if they did, how lonely or boring it could have been. it seemed more like a limbo or purgatory to me. yes, that was the only human "concocted terminology/reasoning" i could associate the space with.

it wasn't exciting or even beautiful, but calm.

i felt that everyone was a liar. we all had been fed with lies since childhood. everything about what was up there..

there was no heaven here.
there was no god either.
even if there was/is either of them, i saw none. all i could see was an endless blue backdrop. it was blank mind drew nothing on this canvas but a sense of numbness with no salvation or satiety. yes, i was dissatisfied.

i swear i was wondering whether i died that instant. no, it wasn't the crashing that bothered me. when it would come to it, i would deal with it.

i was still thinking of the god and heaven.

a human mind that is listless has no fear of death- suggests a scientific research.
i wondered why nobody around me thought of the possibility of crashing down or showed any signs of discomfort when there was a slight weather turbulence. the plane was like a slow car in slow motion with slow manifestation of everything. the only thing that could be fast was the immense pull of the gravity..some would call it crashing..i'd call it free fall.. :)

but no one was worried for everything ran smooth in accordance to a plan- a set of activities to do. at that point it occurred to me again that we live our lives so listlessly being slave to a system that we devised ourselves. a system that robs us of our consciousness. the very order that we live in, makes our living so effortless..

order leads to fulfillment.
a day well planned, is a day well executed.
BUT..i love chaos..for chaos leads to contentment :)

p.s.-i was so bored that i wanted to get to the ground immediately or open the windows of the craft. next time, i swear i want to travel by train only.

the poetry that comes from the squaring off between, and the circling is worth it.finding beauty in the dissonance..


d'kay floss said...

'Nobodys' around you did not exhibit signs of discomfort at the slight weather turbulence.
A human mind that is listless has no fear of death - suggests a scientific research.
The latter cannot be the reason for the former, then what can?

scenes from a memory said...

u want the reason for the former or the latter?

Gintoki said...

reminds me of the time when i first traveled by plane for the first time. i was wishing that the plane would crash and when there was a turbulence i was ecstatic and scared but it was an experience :)

d'kay floss said...

I spare the scientific researchers an explanation to their theories and theologies.
You may explain yours.
So, former it is.

scenes from a memory said...

Mohnish, i think i can relate to that but honestly, i secretly wished that i didn't die and then immediately i started thinking of the reasons that i shouldn't :)

scenes from a memory said...

D'Kay, nobody around me exhibited such sings because in my opinion, we have been programmed not to be so. in fact when the crew was demonstrating safety measures, they didn't even mention anything related to "in the event of a crash". they mentioned the oxygen masks and that reminded me of fight club. oxygen makes us high :)
so perfectly programmed we are. so perfectly programmed the staff was.
nobody wants to exhibit signs of discomfort and look stupid. we are trained not to look or sound stupid. it's a shame if we do :)