Tuesday, July 19, 2011

like rain on your wedding day

"irony! do you guys know what irony is?", i shouted in my voice that would have echoed endlessly in the room had it not been crammed with 40 kids.
they gave their answers that met my expectations. i wasn't surprised. i was prepared. obviously, i had to explain.
"irony is any situation that happens when you don't want it to, like you're broke and your wallet is stolen. it is like you're getting late for exam or work and your car has a flat tire. in short, irony is when life slaps you in the face!"
that description sufficed the kids' curiosity. when i sit here to talk about it, it obviously doesn't satisfy anything. irony is life's slap and retort both (usually not at the same).

for some of us, it has been a slap more than a retort. for the more unfortunate ones, well, it was a combo. well, let's just say that not everyone is blessed.

so, if i were to think how many times life slapped irony across my face, well, i should say that i misjudged the slap for something else.
i don't wish to go down the memory lane and relive all that was left behind. it is tedious. it is redundant..always was.

irony is when i demand space and i don't get it. i long for it. i live for it. maybe, i don't die for it.
i complain. i complain so much. i complain on the inside. i don't do it publicly. i have adopted it. i keep it inside and hold it against the world. i compromise and live with it. i compromise grudgingly.

i do everything i have hated. i hate everything i do. i hate myself for realising that. i hate myself for realising that and yet not doing anything. i am going with the flow. no, i am not flowing. i am carrying myself. i am dragging myself. i am being dragged. i am coward. i am too much for myself. i don't belong yet i live here.

i cohabit with ones i don't like. i tolerate what i should not. i behave like i don't want to. i am a slave who pretends to be free. am i being smart? am i saving myself? am i saving energy? i'll tell you what i am doing. i am killing..i am murdering..i am plundering whatever i have.

i have lived a decade in 2 completely opposite frames of mind. i have lost a battle. i am losing another one. i haven't started it yet. i start a battle everyday. i lose it every night. it is not hidden from the blind world..what a strange pact it is with myself.

the only thing i don't want to do in life is to look back and realise that i have wasted my life reliving those moments..wasting precious moments..living those moments of waste of preciousness of wasted moments.

na aankh nam hai..
na gham ka afsos hai.
na khala ka eshsaas hai
zindagi barkaraar hai..

bas ek aaghaaz hai
har chaal dheemi hai,
har saans ladkhadati hai..
ek gham ka afsos hai
ek khala ka eshsaas hai
zindagi bas tu mere pass hai..
bas main aur tu mere paas hai..

p.s.- i am disappearing for a while. i must tell you the irony. the blogs are getting too much attention. i wanted people to come to it. now, too many people are coming. i feel my personal life is public now. i shall wait and return when the visits drop or i shall write less frequently. i am going to connect with some other self of mine in the same dimension probably.


You know who I am said...

While you patronized yourself with your supremely condescending judgement for the things you hate yet do/take/see endure, what was your role play? You or God?

Yet again said...

P.S. Check. Irony does not confine to what you have phrased.

scenes from a memory said...

what was my role play?
i certainly do not know who you are.
are you the woman who wants to be with me yet can not be? or is it the other way?
i can't be certain about things. i can't care much at times.
but my role play..aah..the question.
of course irony does not confine to what i believe. it doesn't confine to what anyone believes. i am not anyone. that makes me exclusive and not the solution.
coming back to the role play..
aah..what was it?
i wonder..it was you :)

scenes from a memory said...

oh! you must check this.

i can't seem to understand much. i could be wrong.if i am, please educate me. my age..tht's the problem.i can't use much of my head.

paradox as well, please?i have issues with that.

bataya to tha hamne pehle said...

For instance, there is nothing more ironic than craving for something bad and then getting it. Irony is the realisation of being in love with the craving than the 'something'. A strange series of realisation of the hidden implied. They could be unexpected but mostly unnoticeable.

This is totally irrelevant, you know what a pedagogue means? My english teacher was totally obsessed with this word.
Now I'm plain trashing in your comment box. If I were you, I'd spam all my trash. But neither this, nor that shall come to pass.

Anonymous said...

Use a little something up there. It's time to hit bed. Role play later. I still hate qwerty. Now that it is a bb I wonder. Anyway. later.

scenes from a memory said...