Tuesday, July 19, 2011
like rain on your wedding day
"irony! do you guys know what irony is?", i shouted in my voice that would have echoed endlessly in the room had it not been crammed with 40 kids.
they gave their answers that met my expectations. i wasn't surprised. i was prepared. obviously, i had to explain.
"irony is any situation that happens when you don't want it to, like you're broke and your wallet is stolen. it is like you're getting late for exam or work and your car has a flat tire. in short, irony is when life slaps you in the face!"
that description sufficed the kids' curiosity. when i sit here to talk about it, it obviously doesn't satisfy anything. irony is life's slap and retort both (usually not at the same).
for some of us, it has been a slap more than a retort. for the more unfortunate ones, well, it was a combo. well, let's just say that not everyone is blessed.
so, if i were to think how many times life slapped irony across my face, well, i should say that i misjudged the slap for something else.
i don't wish to go down the memory lane and relive all that was left behind. it is tedious. it is redundant..always was.
irony is when i demand space and i don't get it. i long for it. i live for it. maybe, i don't die for it.
i complain. i complain so much. i complain on the inside. i don't do it publicly. i have adopted it. i keep it inside and hold it against the world. i compromise and live with it. i compromise grudgingly.
i do everything i have hated. i hate everything i do. i hate myself for realising that. i hate myself for realising that and yet not doing anything. i am going with the flow. no, i am not flowing. i am carrying myself. i am dragging myself. i am being dragged. i am coward. i am too much for myself. i don't belong yet i live here.
i cohabit with ones i don't like. i tolerate what i should not. i behave like i don't want to. i am a slave who pretends to be free. am i being smart? am i saving myself? am i saving energy? i'll tell you what i am doing. i am killing..i am murdering..i am plundering whatever i have.
i have lived a decade in 2 completely opposite frames of mind. i have lost a battle. i am losing another one. i haven't started it yet. i start a battle everyday. i lose it every night. it is not hidden from the blind world..what a strange pact it is with myself.
the only thing i don't want to do in life is to look back and realise that i have wasted my life reliving those moments..wasting precious moments..living those moments of waste of preciousness of wasted moments.
na aankh nam hai..
na gham ka afsos hai.
na khala ka eshsaas hai
zindagi barkaraar hai..
bas ek aaghaaz hai
har chaal dheemi hai,
har saans ladkhadati hai..
ek gham ka afsos hai
ek khala ka eshsaas hai
zindagi bas tu mere pass hai..
bas main aur tu mere paas hai..
p.s.- i am disappearing for a while. i must tell you the irony. the blogs are getting too much attention. i wanted people to come to it. now, too many people are coming. i feel my personal life is public now. i shall wait and return when the visits drop or i shall write less frequently. i am going to connect with some other self of mine in the same dimension probably.
why? 'There is an awful warmth about my heart like a load of immortality..'
this is a conversation between 2 friends. any sentimental massacre, chauvinism or male ego explicitly displayed was not done intentionally...
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