Thursday, August 20, 2015

lost frequencies

i've been avoiding marriage unconsciously for more than a decade now. i can always say that i am ready for it and then back out at the last moment. was it cold feet disguised as some practical reason for rejection/abandonment? i am avoiding that reasoning too. i've been introduced to women, interviewed by their parents, put on display and asked to be what i am not. i've witnessed my share of toxicologists, criminologists, extreme sports enthusiasts, tall ones, short ones, domesticated stock, liberal herd, etc. etc. it is like an online shopping festival - the items that are high on discount are the ones you don't want. it is mutual.

a close acquaintance got cheated on by his partner. it was a love marriage. i took it calmly, performed my duty of staying with him the entire day, took him out, explored the city and bid him goodnight. i have been experiencing a strong headache and an uneasiness of unknown origin eversince. i think my shattered concept of marriage shall never repair. i stand alone and it is comfortable and stress-free.

i have been a little easy on myself for a few weeks now. if the world collapses, it is not my fault. if a,b,c,d, etc. leads to z, it was meant to happen may be. getting out has suddenly become a strong priority. sleeping well has become a priority too. i am constantly tired. space has and always will be a priority. you can never have too much of it.

there are some friends you make to get through the day. there are some you make for the night. they do the same. true friendship is difficult to find. what you had in your 20s might not last in your 30s. work hard on your health and body for that is the only thing that you still have a higher degree of control over. disciplining is synonymous with regimenting. it is tough,  but easy when you are into it.

you can live your life alone absolutely. people will always try to talk you out of it. you can live a happy life with someone too. it is all a probability. don't be scared to try either out.

i recently met a 20 year old something. she taught me something that i knew years ago but took a decade to realise. i asked her why she was in a relationship. she told me that everyone has needs and they are looking to fulfill that in some way - some look for physical needs while some look for emotional. the current generation isn't as slow as we think they are. and she was a babe.

i have learnt new things unwittingly. life teaches us a lot (cliched). we can absorb some of the teachings or ignore them depending on whether we choose to be wise or ignorant. there is nothing wrong in being ignorant. trust me. you can drift off if you want to without thinking of consequences. it is about what your priorities are. you can hate them or enjoy them or even do your own thing. the world wouldn't collapse without anyone of us. there's always someone better or worse than us.

relax. stop what you are doing. change it.

you can do a lot for your loved ones. no matter how much you do, you can and will always fall short of what all you could do. DO NOT END UP ENSLAVING yourself to running their lives. losing control is easy and fun but tough too. you can do that too if you want. it is important as well.

keep moving. it is uncomfortable and unrewarding at a lot of times but enriching.
youth has the advantage of time. don't waste time worrying, please. there isn't an eternal reward at the end of life.

'perhaps the only difference between me and other people was that I've always demanded more from the sunset; more spectacular colors when the sun hit the horizon. that's perhaps my only sin.'.


underground tunnel said...

ignorance, as one gets to discover, is vital. for basic survival.

the wilderness in me.. said...

We all are ignorant of many things in some way.

the wilderness in me.. said...

Can you please msg me your no.?

underground tunnel said...

'No more; where ignorance is bliss
'Tis folly to be wise.'

it took time for me to accept the truth of these lines.

hope you got my text.